Correspondence with Edith Maryon 1912–1924

GA 263 — 30 March 1913

Letter from Edith Maryon

Edith Maryon to Rudolf Steiner
[Translation]

58, Grove Park Terrace

Chiswick London 30.3.13 Dear

Dr. Steiner,

I think I should let you know that I have decided to leave England for good in May and, with your permission, to tie my fate completely to the Anthroposophical Society. If I am a little further on, I hope it will be possible for me to do some work in these contexts. Dr. Felkin is coming back on April 13th and I will tell him about my decision then. He has been very good to me and I fear he will not be very pleased, as he assumes that I am only going away for about a year. I wanted to tell you about this first, as he will undoubtedly bring it up when he meets you in London. I would like to devote the first few months in Munich entirely to my studies. It bothers me terribly not to understand German; it makes you feel like you're being a burden to others. When I go to Berlin - unfortunately I have no means of supporting myself - I will have to look for work, but I don't want to worry about that unnecessarily, because I feel that I have made the right decision and that a job will come along at the right time.

You may have been a little surprised that I did not end up doing anything for Nevill Meakin, and I would like to explain. Dr. Felkin told me several times that he was unavailable during the first six months and that any attempt to contact him might harm him. I did not understand how anything I did could be harmful to him, but, assuming that Dr. Felkin knows much more than I do — that he has concrete knowledge — I have been content to do no more than send him some helpful thoughts and prayers — especially on Fridays. I don't think Dr. Felkin really understands me or the situation, though I know he thinks he does, so I am now going to do what I think is right. You may have thought that we [Meakin and I] were engaged, but we were not, and we would never have married, even though I would have done so at his request, because I thought he might live longer if he had someone to look after him.

I read to him every day now and I told him that if he knew of anyone who would like to listen, he could bring them, provided they could understand me; I'm not sure about the possibilities.

I forgot to ask you if you received my letter addressed to Banka-Straat, but it contained nothing but my thanks for all the help you gave me. I would have liked to have told you something else the other day, but it was too long and too difficult, and I didn't want to say it in front of others either. The thought of coming to Germany makes me very happy.

See you in England.

Yours sincerely,

L. Edith C. Maryon

I tried to find out from Mr. Schuré what you meant by “Knowledge is a metamorphosis of death”. Although he spoke quite interestingly about the meeting between the higher and the lower self, he did not give me a proper explanation of the meaning of your sentence, and my own understanding of it is too vague.