Soul Loneliness, Love Transformation, and Esoteric Silence

GA 266II — 7 January 1912, Berlin

Esoteric Lesson

Record A

Calling upon the spirit of the day (Sunday).

Last time, we discussed how human beings carry within themselves a doppelganger, how they are connected to it, and how the Luciferic spirit Samael causes this division within them and brings it to our consciousness. It happens that this double wants to cause us, through its inherent desires and passions, which we have indulged in the past, to go along with it, so that we lose control of ourselves, whether through anger or something else. In the average person, this does not usually matter much, but in the esotericist, such a thing should not happen; they must be much more careful; the emotional and instinctual life of the esotericist becomes completely different.

One should not believe that people become unloving and indifferent. Love, in particular, becomes much deeper and is raised to a higher level; it becomes more self-sacrificing and selfless.

Esoteric training that teaches the suppression of love and compassion is completely misguided. It is precisely by changing our emotional life that we gain a higher appreciation of the beauty of the world and also of art.

Nor should we lament spiritual losses, or say, “I cannot fight against myself,” but rather say to ourselves in such moments of despair, over and over again: “Be patient—be strong!”

The same applies when we believe we have not made any progress because we have had no experiences in the higher worlds.

What is to be achieved in esoteric training is the loneliness of the soul. This must remain the basic mood of the soul and must not be shaken by anything, even when we encounter our dearest people. Through loneliness, the gates of the spiritual world open to us. This is what makes pure spiritual life possible. However, this does not mean deliberately seeking solitude and thereby shirking our duties to the world, but rather allowing this feeling of solitude to awaken in the soul and not silencing it with foolish thoughts, etc.

It is also very important not to change the exercises too often. It is best to do one exercise for a whole lifetime, but to do it correctly, in such a way that new impulses are constantly awakened within us as we become more and more deeply immersed in the exercise. For example:

In the pure rays of light
The divinity of the world shines forth ...

In doing so, one should not only imagine rays of light symbolizing the divine, but also imagine the forces of divinity taking possession of our inner being, and then feel such perfect gratitude within ourselves that it is carried out into the universe, the cosmos—swimming in a feeling of gratitude and feeling at one with the divine. This feeling can often only be held for a few seconds, but with continued practice it can be sustained for much longer.

Often one is brought back to reality by a “ringing” sound, but this exercise leaves one with a feeling of togetherness, of oneness with God (with humanity), in stark contrast to the feeling of loneliness.

Much sin is committed through talkativeness. What one reveals from one's esoteric exercises is lost to the student. One should be clear about this. It always means a weakening of the etheric body; people with a weak etheric body are always talkative. Therefore, it is essential for us to keep our inner life secret; at most, we may enrich our esoteric life by discussing esoteric messages and truths in a small circle of friends who are on the same spiritual level, but only on condition that the right mood prevails among all of them. Through silence, the powers and strength that enable us to progress grow within us.

The seed of my body lay in the spirit ...

Record B

It happens that the doppelganger, through its inherent desires and passions, which we previously indulged in instinctively, wants to cause us to go along with it, so that we lose control of ourselves, whether through sudden anger, hatred and lovelessness, envy, or other suddenly surging passions. In the average person, this does not usually matter much. However, esotericists should not allow themselves to be led by such sudden passions. They must pay much more attention to themselves. The emotional and instinctual life of esotericists must become completely different from that of average people. Nothing should happen to esotericists that is driven by mere instincts without them having control over it, so to speak. It should gradually become impossible for him to allow what his double wants to get the better of him. He must become master of this double. (The servant must not be greater than the master.) The impulses that previously dominated him are now controlled by the human being from his higher ego consciousness.

Now one must not believe that this makes the human being unloving and indifferent to his environment. Precisely the ability to love—true love—is raised to a higher level when the student has reached this stage. It is deepened. It loses the egoistic character that love always has in the average human being. It becomes more self-sacrificing, more unselfish. (Rosicrucian Mystery, Scenes 9 and 10: After “O man, experience yourself,” that is, [after John] has attained consciousness of the higher self, Theodosius, the bearer of the world's power of love, approaches John. He says: “I want to reveal your essence in my deeds. They shall have a healing effect through you.”An esoteric school that teaches the killing of love and compassion is completely on the wrong path. This is not a matter of killing, but of transforming in full consciousness. Everything instinctive, involuntary, or impulsive within the soul life must be penetrated by the human being with his clear consciousness. It must be entirely up to the individual to decide whether or not to give love in a particular case. It is precisely by changing our emotional life in this way, from our higher self-consciousness, that we gain a higher sense of the beauty that pervades the world, which originates in love for the world and which also makes true art possible. At this stage, the student also unlearns lamenting about the impoverishment of the soul life, about what might appear to be a loss of the soul. Even less should he say, when the double threatens to become strong: I cannot fight against myself. Even in moments of despair, he must always say to himself: Patience! Be strong! The same applies when one believes that one has no experiences in the higher worlds and therefore has not progressed.

The goal of esoteric training is for the soul to be completely self-reliant. (Johannes, 9th picture: “I feel the existence of worlds within me”; “I rest in myself”; “I have gained the first confidence of man / I have gained certainty of my nature.”) This can only be gained through the loneliness of the soul. This must remain the basic mood of the soul, even in the presence of the dearest people. Only through the loneliness of the soul can the gates of the spiritual world open to it. This is the only condition for a pure, spiritual life. But this loneliness of the soul is a state of the soul. The student should not deliberately seek external loneliness or shirk the duties we have toward the world. That is not what is meant. One should allow the feeling of loneliness in the soul to grow as a strength and not immediately try to silence it with foolish thoughts. Strength from the solitude of being on one's own — that is what matters.

It is very important for the esoteric student not to change exercises too often. It is best to stick to one exercise throughout one's life, but to do it correctly. This causes new impulses to be awakened in us through the exercise, as we gradually draw out the forces that lie within it and make them the forces of our soul. For example, in the exercise verse:

In the pure rays of light
The divinity of the world shines forth ...

One should not only imagine rays of light symbolizing the divine, but also the forces of the divine living within them, taking possession of our inner being, and then feel the most perfect gratitude within ourselves, which in turn is carried out from us into the universe, into the cosmos. Floating in a feeling of gratitude, feeling at one with the divinity: this feeling can often only be held for a few seconds. With continued practice, it can be sustained for much longer. — This exercise leaves the soul with a feeling of oneness, of feeling at one with God, in God, and also with humanity. This develops an immense, powerful force in the soul, which is completely opposed to the feeling of loneliness.

Much sin is committed through talkativeness. The student should always bear in mind that whatever is revealed as a result of esoteric exercises through talking about them is lost to the student. This should be clearly understood. It always means a weakening of the etheric body. People with weak etheric bodies are always talkative. Therefore, it is a requirement for us to keep our inner life a secret within ourselves. At most, one should enrich one's esoteric life by discussing esoteric messages and truths in a small circle of friends who are on the same level. The basic condition for this is that everyone is in the right mood. But we must know that there are forces of strength in silence that enable us to progress.

Record C

Three feelings that the esotericist must develop in particular:

Feeling of loneliness. In ordinary life, it is natural for us to feel longing, especially for people we love. Developing a feeling of loneliness does not mean becoming dull or indifferent to the outside world, but rather that we should be able to stay away from those we love and care about, remain in our loneliness, and love this loneliness.
In contrast, however, we must develop a second feeling. There are people who think that they will progress quickly if they change their esoteric exercises quite often. The opposite is true. For most people, it is most beneficial to stick with the same exercises throughout an entire incarnation, provided, of course, that they speak to them more deeply and intensely.

For example, the exercise: In the pure rays ... it is not enough, of course, to symbolically imagine the light in which the deity works, but at the same time one must develop a feeling of gratitude within oneself, a warmth of gratitude, an enthusiasm must pervade us, must increase to a fire of gratitude - it must be as if we are swimming in a sea of gratitude. Just as we previously developed a feeling of loneliness by concentrating on ourselves, we should now pour ourselves out into the universe and feel connected to all people.

And then there is a third feeling that we must acquire in our esoteric life: the feeling of knowing when to remain silent. This does not mean being secretive; one can, of course, talk to other esotericists about one's exercises, but there is one trait, among others, that greatly hinders development, and that is talkativeness.

As soon as one has had an experience that one cannot help but confide in one's friend or uncle, every esoteric should break this habit, because in doing so, one destroys and annihilates the forces that have grown in the etheric body. Those who cannot keep news to themselves as soon as they hear it create a tension that is only released once they have told others. This tension also arises in esotericists.

The more secrets entrusted to us we keep to ourselves, the more power we accumulate in our etheric body. This does not alienate us from all that is beautiful, good, and true; on the contrary, we gain a finer understanding of art.