Meditation Room, tenth scene

JOHANNES:
When I look back on the
last three years, it always seems
to me as if such a view
increased my strength again and
again. I see how suffering
has made me the mediator of has made me a mediator
of my knowledge, for when suffering
lifted me out of my former form of existence,
the spirit immediately permeated me
and filled me, whereas before
I had only been able to reflect the things
of the spirit that stood before me
spirit, which I myself had not yet recognized,
to reflect the things of meaning that stood before
me. And you, O my
Mary, gave me certainty of
the spirit world that entered into me.
Through you I first gained this
world. So you are connected with me,
for through you I gained
myself and the world in
the form in which it truly is.
Thus our fate
brought us together.
Back then, when I followed you
into the spiritual world, it would have been
a small thing for me to lose
the whole world.
For this whole world gave me
only suffering. And I hardly believed
I would find you anymore. But
now I have you for eternity.
The voice that guides me
on the path to sacrifice is calling.
Today is the day I am to make the sacrifice.
I know that I must
must consult the innermost powers
of my being if I am to learn
what sacrifice I must make
in order to move forward. — So
I will penetrate into myself
as deeply as I can; it shall
tell me the core of my being,
what the content of the sacrifice shall be.
(Theodosius appears.)
You, who do not yet dwell on
earth; the people through whom
you can speak are only a
weak precursor of those
who will one day come
to be the image of your being.
You, whose form announced to me
the message of those world powers
that determine the content of the sacrifice,
I shall learn from you
what my star demands of me if I wish
to continue on the path I have begun.
O tell me the sacrifice.
You do not speak of the present,
you speak of the future sacrifice.
It is not the present that speaks from you,
but the future.

THEODOSIUS:
Through me, the future speaks to you,
the future that your work
is to serve, what is incumbent upon you,
my son. You will only see the effect of your work
the future,
if you are willing to make the sacrifice.
Are you ready?

JOHANNES:
My experience gives me
the courage to say yes to you.

THEODOSIUS:
You want to, despite the
the nature of the sacrifice?

JOHANNES:
I would be unworthy of what I have achieved
if I could believe
that I might shrink
from the sacrifice, however great
it may be.

THEODOSIUS:
And are you certain that
the magnitude of the sacrifice cannot exceed this
power?

JOHANNES:
I know that what I have achieved
must not be lost to me,
since without it
I cannot perform the service
that is incumbent upon me.
So this sacrifice can only
serve this purpose. I
will bring it, because I
must pass through the gate of initiation
if I am to remain myself.
So tell me the sacrifice.

THEODOSIUS:
But the spirits of the world
want only this sacrifice —
if you do not make it,
you are lost.
There are deaths that
are more gruesome than
those you
know. —
(He disappears.)

JOHANNES:
What is echoing from the depths of my soul?
— Mary —
Did my bliss deceive me?
It was she herself who
gave me this noble being
three years ago.
She rescued me from suffering;
she bound me to her.
She gave me the belief
that I must work with her for the noblest cause.
Is that too
a deception? I had to believe
that suffering can no longer
grow, so my bliss tells me.
I have gained knowledge;
but knowledge only to achieve
even greater pain. —