Johannes, Monologue, Second Scene

JOHANNES: There was a time
When I could still believe
That what the eyes see and the ears hear
Was founded in itself.
But knowledge
Has taken away my delusion.
I know that everything
I see around me
Must be erased,
Leaving the spiritual forces
Of the realm of existence —
Like the color tone of the face
And the strength of my hands,
As soon as the spirit extinguishes the body.
I know that deception is the ground
On which I stand;
And that I sink into the bottomless pit,
If the powers of my mind do not deceive me.
So it became clear to me that ghosts
I know, are not realities.
But where is truth for me?
So I must always ask.
And always it sounds
Through the illusions of my senses:
O man, know thyself! (Echo)
Terribly cruel words,
I followed you.
You taught me that not only
Delusion and error surround me,
As long as I trust my senses and
Everyday reason,
That even the form in which
I appear to myself is a figment of delusion;
O it is so benevolent, this true
Form, which I sense — and
More than sense — it hides itself
Behind a delusion — but meaning
There is in its concealment — for it shows
Reveals itself in truth, stands beside it,
What man is — what he
Is in all nakedness — a tempting being,
Who greedily desires all the pleasures of the world
Only to satisfy himself,
A being that is both animal and
Demon — who
Coldly destroys what is most beloved,
If destruction satisfies it —
To whom every greed
Fulfillment only begets new greed.
— To recognize oneself
Means to allow oneself to be subjugated by oneself
— and
In subjugation to feel lust
— to recognize oneself
Is to create a delusion that
Takes delusion for truth —.
To recognize oneself means
To strive for the highest happiness — means
To enjoy the deepest unhappiness for the highest
Happiness — means to consider
Nothingness for everything. — So
I place myself before me,
When the word resounds:
O man, recognize yourself1
No, not recognize yourself,
Flee yourself.
But where to flee?
Flee the world,
I cannot do it.
The world is only my
Spread-out Self —
But this Self is different,
It should bring elevation and light.
A terrible accusation.
It hurls at me from all sides:
It is you, but you have
Destroyed yourself, you are only your
Distorted image. — And guilt —
You push me coldly into nothingness.
But I could be crushed by you.
No, I cannot do it.
I recognize the nothingness in me,
But this nothingness,
It torments me with fear,
It whips me with curses that
I myself must bring upon myself,
It kills me through powerlessness,
To chain me in powerlessness
To myself.
Your rocks fall upon me,
Your waters take me in,
But when you fall upon me,
When you wanted to bury me,
I would rise from my
parts, so that in
eternal shame transformed
would be the temporal.
I sought trembling.
Alas, I am lifted up,
lifted up into nothingness —
chained to the slave man,
whom I wanted to flee.